She struts across your lane, you try to control the urge, but she knows you will be looking anyways. You remember the first time you had ever heard of her, the memory still crisp. Though quite young but you can still feel the melancholy her name had resonated. And now as you find her looking at you, you feel the melancholy swallowing you whole.
She’s too pretty, so pretty it hurts. That’s what you thought the first time you had seen her from afar. You were tempted to see her up close, feel her breathing down your neck. But strangely surprising was the day you held her in your arms. The frail looking creature with innocence seeping out it’s every pore, enthralled you. If she was pretty from afar, up close she was beautiful. But in an unconventional way. She had short-cropped hair so close you could make out the dome of her skull. Her face a haphazard mosaic of angles and edges. Each day she looked different, she felt different. Some days carrying her around was fun, some days she weighed you down. The weirdest thing was, the longer you held her, more beautiful she became. You realised you had to keep feeding her, quenching her every thirst. Even if you were squeezing the water from your very soul. Even if you were feeding away your dreams. It all seemed worth it, plunging head first into her ocean seemed worth it.. at least for a while.
But one look into her eyes, that’s all it took. You were always curious as to how her eyes looked. Which made you realise how she always met you in the darkness, as if she was a constellation draped in the arms of a dark stormy night. She thrived in the dark, you thought. Little did you know she fed off it. She must have midnight blue eyes, you often wondered. Now you know. Every time you see her passing close now, you remind yourself of those eyes. The clearest hue possible. Not a word can yet describe their brilliance. Like a mirror shining bright and ugly, showing you all your crimes, baring all your hidden bones. Like lying naked in the dazzling sun. Never had you ever felt so exposed or so burnt.
And the hard way you realised, she is that someone every single one in the mankind bore and tried to escape nevertheless, found themselves all the more possessed. We may be the riders, but she knew, she held the reins.
So how did you escape her? You didn’t. She’s still all around, in your subconscious or even when you’re sound. But now instead of letting your ugliness scare you, you look deep into her eyes and you reign.
pic credit : pixabay